Proud Tanta

 At a recent simcha there was a photo taken of me, with 2 children in my arms. Both are other people's children. I chuckled when I saw the photo. This one image sums up my family values. I was raised with an army of 'aunts' (my parents friends) who looked out for me. I'm incredibly blessed with a circle of friends who are 'aunts' to my children. And I'm proud and grateful to be the 'Aunt' in other people's lives.

Hope

 Hope is hot cocoa on a cold night

Hope is giving your friend a ride 

Hope is cleaning out your friend's fridge

Or having her kids for a playdate (or 2 or 3)

When your eyes are filled with tears and

Your body refuses to take another step

Hope is the friends that catch you,

The little things they do, even when they are struggling themselves.

Daily dose of divine providence

12/21/25

  My friend is visiting for the weekend and I borrowed her book titled "When G-d shows up" . Written by Shlucha Rosie Weinstein it's a collection of small daily divine providences.

Reading it has made me notice some small things that clicked in place for me today.

I woke up this morning intending on putting a load of delicates into the washing machine. My husband beat me to it, putting up a heavy duty load that takes several hours. I was annoyed that my order was disrupted. Soon after I recalled that today is Rosh Chodesh, so I shouldn't be doing laundry. I'm grateful that my husband helped me observe this day!

Recently we've been going through something challenging. I've been okay overall but this morning I was having a hard time.  When I turned on my phone there was a message from a family friend overseas (she's like a surrogate mom) asking for my details to send me Chanukah gelt. I was stunned and so very touched. She had planned to send it earlier so we could distribute nightly to each family member but she has been unable to find the time until today. Of course it was meant to be, Hashen sent her 'hug' on the day I needed it most.

Aleph Bais

 This past school year Miriam Simcha learned to read Hebrew. Each week a different letter or vowel was introduced and by the end of the year Miriam Simcha was reading quite smoothly. All the proud mommies assembled for the class Siddur Party. One highlight was the girls singing through medley of niggunim that they had learned throughout the year- one for each letter of the Aleph Bais! I'm amazed at the wealth of knowledge Morah Devorah has given her this year: torah, kriah, stories, Nigunim.

 I've  always loved singing and these nigunim that took me years to learn now grace our nightly bedtime routine. Miriam Simcha will call out a letter and I'll sing the  corresponding nigun. One night Miriam simcha asked me to make the night light brighter because she couldn't see Bubby Miriam's aleph bais. I was caught off guard. my mother's aleph bais needlepoint graced my childhood bedroom until I married and now hangs prominently in my children's room. I hadn't  realized that Miriam Simcha was using it as a guide. 

although i dont remember my mother and I don't know much about her,I feel connected to her in this moment. This small momento from the past has become the cornerstone of the future. I'm extremely proud of my daughter, of the person she is becoming, and I'm proud that she is brining her Bubby along on her journey.

Grandma Eva's Piano

 Grandma Eva was very artistic. She was also a talented Musician (as was my Grandpa Loui who was a career clarinet player at the white house). My mother, all of her sisters and all of my cousins inherited Grandma's artistic flare. 

As for me.... well...

I can't draw. At all. But I've always had an ear for music, and I love to sing. As a child I learned to play music. It's no Suprise that I inherited Grandma's piano. I was 15 when grandma passed away and my grandfather insisted that we take the piano right away. So, the piano was installed in my father's house while I flew away to high school, seminary, and shlichus. Whenever I came on break, I'd gravitate towards the piano and spend time playing. Once I got married the piano remained in my childhood home. My father always asked when I would take it, but my apartments never had enough space. A few years ago, my father sold his house and moved in with us. the piano moved with him at long last taking up residence in my own living room.

Seeing my children sit together and play brings me so much emotion and nachas. They're connecting with the past and bringing Grandma's legacy to life. I have so many memories, yet they don't know her. I hope they'll feel her love as they touch those very same keys, and I hope they'll inherit her gentle calm and poise just as much as her musical nature. I pray that my children remain close to one another and continue to sit together and play for many years to come.

Lag Ba'omer

 Yossi can't walk but he is standing, held up by Dov.

Knees buckling, he takes a few steps with wide uneven gait.

He looks all around laughing, happy.

He's waving his hands excitedly as he passes 770,

 and I know that the Rebbe is waving right back.

I'm marching too. I'm pushing my baby carriage.

They said that it wasn't a viable pregnancy.

But a Rebbe sees things that doctors cannot.

Emotions rise up as I recall the Rebbe's blessings,

In the letter that kept my faith through many uncertain weeks.

I blink away my tears as I pass 770,

I'm bringing Shneur Zalman to the Rebbe.

Miriam Simcha looks beautiful in her long skirt and long sleeves.

She is marching with her class,

walking confidently, never breaking her stride.

She is proud to be a soldier in the Rebbe's army.

She is marching towards the Geulah.

tumor talk

Yossi enjoyed our exclusive love and attention for 12 years until his sister came along. Then he had surgery for scoliosis that was badly needed. For an unexplained reason he never regained his previous mobility. After these events, we started to think about changing up Yossi's activities and restructuring our routine. Despite moving to a new neighborhood, living for months in a construction zone, loosing a baby, and moving zaidy into our home, We managed to get into a rhythm. Then one day two years ago all that changed. 

We received a call from Yossi's school. He had a bump on his neck that was swelling up and so we picked him up early from school to get it looked at. i wasn't concerned at first but suddenly there we were, days to Pesach-me at home with newborn shneur zalman and dov shuttling Yossi from doctor to doctor and exam to exam. The results came, Yossi has a desmoid tumor in his shoulder.

we're fortunate to have seamlessly incorporated chemo into our routine with a daily pill via gtube but it's not without its challenges: clogged feeding tube when the pills don't dissolve well, a new awful tremor disorder brought on by the quarterly MRIs done under anesthesia, loose bowels, urinary retention and trouble bearing weight. It's not easy cleaning mounds of soiled laundry every day (hoping the smell comes out), or desperately trying to fix clogged tubes (of course  late at night).  It's painful watching Yossi come home from school exhausted,   leaning awkwardly to the side under the weight of the tumor, buckling at the knees  or shaking for hours on end (bli ayin hara it's been controlled for many months now).  finding out that the medication wasn't working was a difficult moment for us. Baruch Hashem there is another medication now available-he's been on it for several months and the first scans show that the tumor shrunk significantly. We are so relieved that things are finally heading in the right direction and we continue to daven for the tumor to go away completely and for no side effects from the chemo and the anesthesia.

When I sometimes mention it in passing I'm always surprised that its the first time people are hearing about the tumor. That's because I've never told anyone- with little kids and high needs kids at home, there isnt much time left for socializing. we continue to daven for the tumor to go away completely and now that you know, you can daven too!