When Yossi came home from school today I saw clumps of hair falling out from his peyos.
My heart sank.
I had forgotten.
I had forgotten that he had some hair loss before.
I had forgotten that he is on CHEMO.
I had forgotten because we just thrown it into the feeding tube along with the rest of Yossi's daily medicines.
I'm fortunate that Yossi can have CHEMO at home instead of an infusion center.
I'm fortunate the medicine is working and I pray that the tumor keeps shrinking .
Once when Yossi was a baby we were out shopping with mom. as she piled a mountain of baby clothes on the counter the cashier asked if yossi was her first grandchild. Mom replied 'no and I love them all. 'that was mom, she loved to shop and even more than that she loved her family dearly. She treated each of her 10 grandchildren as if they were the only one. She loved each child's spouse like her own children.
I'm not wearing all black today. I chose an outfit with a streak of light color. I believe this represents mom. Like light, mom showed up brightly and consistently in our lives, without grandeur and fanfare.
Mom took a genuine interest in other people and showed up fully present all the time.
She showed for Paul, for family, for her friends, for her temple, and for many charitable organizations. She met every person where they were- yossi in the hospital and Miriam simcha and shneur zalman on the floor. Even when we protested that she was to old to get down on the floor with little kids, she'd say 'im fine' and proceed to play with much interest and enjoyment. My children looked forward to her visits, their highlight -a trip to the kosher store on the corner for cookies, because as mom put it 'life is always a little better with some ice cream or a cookie'
Mom, I hope we'll keep on making you proud. We'll miss you very much!!
L'iluy Nishmas Leeba bas Chaim Zalman
At a recent simcha there was a photo taken of me, with 2 children in my arms. Both are other people's children. I chuckled when I saw the photo. This one image sums up my family values. I was raised with an army of 'aunts' (my parents friends) who looked out for me. I'm incredibly blessed with a circle of friends who are 'aunts' to my children. And I'm proud and grateful to be the 'Aunt' in other people's lives.
Hope is hot cocoa on a cold night
Hope is giving your friend a ride
Hope is cleaning out your friend's fridge
Or having her kids for a playdate (or 2 or 3)
When your eyes are filled with tears and
Your body refuses to take another step
Hope is the friends that catch you,
The little things they do, even when they are struggling themselves.
12/21/25
My friend is visiting for the weekend and I borrowed her book titled "When G-d shows up" . Written by Shlucha Rosie Weinstein it's a collection of small daily divine providences.
Reading it has made me notice some small things that clicked in place for me today.
I woke up this morning intending on putting a load of delicates into the washing machine. My husband beat me to it, putting up a heavy duty load that takes several hours. I was annoyed that my order was disrupted. Soon after I recalled that today is Rosh Chodesh, so I shouldn't be doing laundry. I'm grateful that my husband helped me observe this day!
Recently we've been going through something challenging. I've been okay overall but this morning I was having a hard time. When I turned on my phone there was a message from a family friend overseas (she's like a surrogate mom) asking for my details to send me Chanukah gelt. I was stunned and so very touched. She had planned to send it earlier so we could distribute nightly to each family member but she has been unable to find the time until today. Of course it was meant to be, Hashen sent her 'hug' on the day I needed it most.
This past school year Miriam Simcha learned to read Hebrew. Each week a different letter or vowel was introduced and by the end of the year Miriam Simcha was reading quite smoothly. All the proud mommies assembled for the class Siddur Party. One highlight was the girls singing through medley of niggunim that they had learned throughout the year- one for each letter of the Aleph Bais! I'm amazed at the wealth of knowledge Morah Devorah has given her this year: torah, kriah, stories, Nigunim.
I've always loved singing and these nigunim that took me years to learn now grace our nightly bedtime routine. Miriam Simcha will call out a letter and I'll sing the corresponding nigun. One night Miriam simcha asked me to make the night light brighter because she couldn't see Bubby Miriam's aleph bais. I was caught off guard. my mother's aleph bais needlepoint graced my childhood bedroom until I married and now hangs prominently in my children's room. I hadn't realized that Miriam Simcha was using it as a guide.
although i dont remember my mother and I don't know much about her,I feel connected to her in this moment. This small momento from the past has become the cornerstone of the future. I'm extremely proud of my daughter, of the person she is becoming, and I'm proud that she is brining her Bubby along on her journey.
Grandma Eva was very artistic. She was also a talented Musician (as was my Grandpa Loui who was a career clarinet player at the white house). My mother, all of her sisters and all of my cousins inherited Grandma's artistic flare.
As for me.... well...
I can't draw. At all. But I've always had an ear for music, and I love to sing. As a child I learned to play music. It's no Suprise that I inherited Grandma's piano. I was 15 when grandma passed away and my grandfather insisted that we take the piano right away. So, the piano was installed in my father's house while I flew away to high school, seminary, and shlichus. Whenever I came on break, I'd gravitate towards the piano and spend time playing. Once I got married the piano remained in my childhood home. My father always asked when I would take it, but my apartments never had enough space. A few years ago, my father sold his house and moved in with us. the piano moved with him at long last taking up residence in my own living room.
Seeing my children sit together and play brings me so much emotion and nachas. They're connecting with the past and bringing Grandma's legacy to life. I have so many memories, yet they don't know her. I hope they'll feel her love as they touch those very same keys, and I hope they'll inherit her gentle calm and poise just as much as her musical nature. I pray that my children remain close to one another and continue to sit together and play for many years to come.
