Broken

A kid in a  leg brace
on a slide
breaks a leg
how i dont know

but he's a kid
and these things happen
at least this time
its a more common setback

away from the hospital since March
this caught me by surprise
i'd finally started living life,
i'd stopped waiting for the next crisis

This is the 4th broken bone he has had
In the grand scheme of things, its not too bad
hoping his newer milestones will come back fast
and not be forgotten in the past

let's enjoy this while it lasts
so come on over and sign his cast
signatures on the front front from top to toe
there's a space on the back for your name to go

when you ask permission he might tell you "no"
and even a "yes" might be in jest
you'll grab a marker and he'll roll farther
farther and farther away with a laugh!

slowly the pain is subsiding,
in 2 weeks for a boot we are hoping,
so our little guy can hobble around
and crawl on all fours once again

now that he is feeling better,
he has discovered the delight
of the loud noise the cast makes
when it bangs against the floor or wall
i guess its not so terrible
and in a few months we wont remember
much of this at all

Mixed Emotions

its amazing how when i  work hard
and try my best
keep organized
keep going
one step at a time
and im suprised and fulfilled
when i accomplish

and then in a minute the mood is ruined
the satisfaction gone.

feeling sadness and pain
intermingled with
happiness and joy and pride
all within a few moments

my heart drops to my stomach.
its physically traumatic
to experience all these emotions
one right after the other

life is as fragile
as our emotions
things can change so drastically
from one minute to the next

new babies being born
and others forever gone
sickness side by side
with exciting milestones

the older i get
i become less and less
used to this

how much longer can we live
in terror and anguish and fear
why must your children suffer so much
no one deserves this

please send moshiach
so there will be peace upon the earth
a time when everyone can cherish the sweet moments
without waiting for the other shoe to drop

Rosh Hashanah Revisited

Sitting in shul
doling out toys
and snacks
and hugs

siddur in hand
child up and down
first in the stroller, then a chair
then on my lap

soon its time to stand
when the shofar sounds
hands wrapped around
a little boy so sweet
siddur out of reach

Eyes closed tight
the shofar blasts envelope me
they shake me to my core
and i offer up a silent prayer

Please Hashem no more pain this year
no more suffering and anguished cries
leave no one empty, broken, or bereft
no health scares or violence or theft

leave me no questions
no confusion or doubts
only answers and  certainty
that you alone have sovereignty

help me always be aware
that You are always here
that You'll always be a listening ear
every time I shed a tear.

grant me my dreams, make them  good for me
Give me clarity to feel your guidance at every moment
to know and see and understand
how all events are in your master plan

A Tale of a pair of pants

Yossi outgrew his shabbos clothes so in mid-june i bought him 2 new pairs of shabbos pants. just 3 weeks later both pairs of pants disappeared when we spent the weekend out of town. We didnt realize they were missing until the following shabbos. we searched the house high and low. im usually very methodical and i was completely baffled. it took a whole week to figure out how/where we could have possibly lost them. our host searched as well and the pants did not turn up. its was a little upsetting because formal pants are quite pricey and i never loose things, ever.

After a bit of moping about, i offered up a prayer: Please hashem let this be a kaparah. keep the 2 pairs of pants and give me 2 of my deepest wishes instead. Keep the pants, better they be lost instead of anything worse. i gave up on finding the pants and prayed that i'd be able to see how it was for the best.

just this week the pants were found and they are on their way back to our house. it seemed a bit anticlimactic after all the soul searching and leaving it up to Hashem (when was i ever really in control?)

I may not have gotten what i wished for but i definitely gained something. Ive gone through this process time and again, you think i'd have learned by now, but i still get  aggravated/upset when things dont go my way. This incident was a another reminder that everything big and small is in Hashem hands. its a reminder to focus on my faith. Most of all its a reminder to keep working on my character.

Indeed there is a reason for everything. The pants have done their job!

Milestones

We're counting milestones instead of seizures! This concept is quite new to me and im really enjoying it! Yossi is too, he's been very busy making up for all the lost time.

last year at this time Yossi began crawling on all fours. he has continued to do so every day and has perfected the art.  he crawls in his crib, he craws from room to room, he crawls into the the toy box! He crawls steadily with familiarity and ease. its so nice to see learn a new skill  uninterrupted and get it down pat without a struggle.

Yiddishe Nachas

As part of our morning routine with Yossi we always daven, give tzedakah and kush tzitzis. its the same thing that all jewish little boys do every morning all around the world. yossi has begun participating more and lately he has been very excited when we put his tzitzis on him.

Yesterday when we were finished with the bracha on the tzitzis,Yossi continued holding his tzitzis properly in his hand while i walked away.  He kept looking at me and when he thought i wasnt watching he carefully brought the tzitzis to his mouth to give them a kiss. When i came back to tell him "i saw you and im so proud of you" he broke out into a fit of laughter! He knows that he did it right and he thinks he's so clever trying to pretend that he doesnt know how!

I get such pride watching him  kiss his tzitzis gently, and pursue the siddur with intense concentration. he draws close to him the mitzvos that we hold dear and it fills my heart with joy.

Rain, Rain Go Away?

Recently i went out for a solitary stroll in the fresh evening breeze. on the way back,  the skies suddenly opened up. i was about to sprint the last two blocks home when i realized that id rather be soaked and relaxed, than soaked and out of breath.

Its totally out of character for me (or maybe i just cant run like i used to) but i really enjoyed myself (walking extra slowly on purpose) even though i came home completely soaked from head to toe. i finally had this realization that im not in control so i just have to embrace the moment. it was very refreshing (literally) and very emotionally invigorating. i think i should walk in the rain more often- i can definitely use a reminder that Hashem holds the reins. You should try it sometime, as much as you dislike the thought of it, you will see your stress wash away and your tension disappear. who knows, you might even find it fun!